The continuum of powerless to powerful

So, I never thought adopting 4 kittens will get me this far. I learn more about the continuum of powerless to powerful from them. Today those 4 only 2 because the other 2 were dead. I was a tired and careless caregiver. I let the 4 of them to have innocent fun that would cause their lives. After 2 deaths, I became more protective. I don’t have much money to add fiber to my fence. I rent a small 60m house that I share with my husband who doesn’t like cats. The air circulation is not good. With all the limitation, I work the best I could to accommodate everyone.

At first, my good intention and mission to “save” the kittens are failed. I found them very sick and all by themselves, no parents. I thought, I want to heal them so they can eventually live by themselves. That was the idea. Two of the kittens may have better eyesight and they were stronger, more active, and ready to take challenges. Well, they were dead. Leaving the other two who I thought less fit, more vulnerable, and have no  future. So my view about the “survival of the fittest” didn’t hold the ground. Or at least, I began to question, what is fit? The physical fit, emotional and sociological fit? The attitude fit?

The second is about self-care. There is a moment where taking care of others drain one physically and hurt emotional sanity. It’s so true. However, at the same time I feel I am taking care of myself. I curb my ego. It’s tricky because it may stem from feeling  powerful over these powerless kitten. I want them to become powerful to take care for themselves so I don’t need to take care of them.

The feeling that someone powerlessness feed my power is a bit scary. I may loose control. I learn about the continuum of powerless to powerful which is very vulnerable. I feel powerful to take care those in need. I became more sensitive to my power and others’ powerlessness.

When two of the kitten were dead, I felt powerless. Then I told myself, you are the adult, you have to take in-charge, you are in control. Close the doors and windows, protect them; it’s for their own sake.

It reminds me of the famous Mother Theresa. She looked frail and the people she taking care were powerless people but that is the powerful of her.

I don’t know how this “new” understanding help me in my activism. It surely changed me.

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