Once, I thought a man could handle about everything thrown at him. I thought a man who deliberately shows off his charm able to stand up to my high expectation of real man. It didn’t happen. What a disappointment.
It’s an open relationship, he said. There’s no string attached and I didn’t promise you any future marriage, he explained. I was fine with it although I think he quite underestimate my ability to speak up. I didn’t play hard to get, he was available.
Then, something happened. He turned into a pale-face man. I was shocked by his response.
I thought he was the man who can live up to my demanding hope. I thought I could share my poems with him. I thought I could share my writings and critical minds to him. Of course, it shouldn’t be everything together, that would be too unreal. He has his own world.
I was awakening by the changing emotion. It’s crazy, I thought.
If nothing is left for our relationship, I thought we could settle it in a graceful way. It didn’t happen. I was like, stunned. What the hell is happening? Is it about privacy issue? Why is he scared? What could frighten him most? Has he just realized that a woman could write and publish her writings in internet?
I assumed politics was involved in it. Full name and events are sensitive because people could freely interpret the stories. Publish your stories, including your relationship with someone, in internet more like getting naked in public. Therefore one could feel vulnerable. There is a writing said: Never explain yourself to any one, because the person who likes you doesn’t need it and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it (Pravsworld.com). I don’t buy it.
I do agree on another tip from Pravsworld that said: Don’t let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in their life. Relationship work best when they are balanced. Yup, it was good thing that I didn’t let him become a priority because I knew that I was just one of the options.
He could directly said, I am not ready for any relationship but I want to be surrounded by women. That won’t be impressive but deadly honest. Well, that could be deadly for him but he should prepare that some women like him for that same reason, killing the time. No commitment.
Man, I feel sorry if he still thinks that women who fell for him mean fell into a spell. Clearly, some women get sober quickly. I say, don’t push your luck to me.
Lempuyangan, 3 Juli 2007