Pengalaman-Saya

When a woman speak up about sexuality…

My writings in cyber space, including on YM status, is all about me and everything about me is always shocking for some people. I write about my sexuality, my view on sex, my relationship, my experience, my protest, my feeling, that for sure. Some people warn me to be careful to write about all of my experience on the net because someone can use it for wrong reason like they might hurt me by using information that I provided in the internet. Actually, I get so many lessons and learning from all the response I got. It is something that I can’t get if I never shared that information.

Some people may think that I am experimenting with those provoking lines but it is about me and if they don’t like who I am then at least they know the reasons. Nothing’s true, nothing’s right. It is hard to be honest when it means you’re against the dominant values.

I feel it is wrong if a system cut one’s humanness into half because his/her condition doesn’t meet the ideal standard set up by some groups of people. I speak openly about my sexual experience to show how a woman being defined by people outside her and come to a point where she is able to define herself, under systemic pressure of course.

Some people prefer to be silence if their words and action bring no good cause to others. My words and action may be seen to have no good cause for others but it brings one to me. I thought I only want to provoke people but I can’t pretend to be someone I am not. Some may think my writings, thus my revelation hence my experience, as unimportant or junk but that is my identity. It’s a fluid identity evolving by time. If you think it’s suck then think this, one’s experience is intertwine with others. I don’t mould my experience alone, a lot of people involved in the process. Except, they never break the spell.

My libido is real and it’s part of my sexuality. To state it on cyber space is my right to defend. I am not attacking anyone by writing about it because I was born with it. No one needs to know about my libido status and no one needs to care about it. So, be it.

Kasongan, 27 June 2007

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