So last night I sent him “missing you” message. Strangely this time I don’t expect him to return the message. I don’t know why. This morning at 3.30AM I woke up and questioned myself. Since when I expect him or anyone to return my love expression? When I was 11 year-old I confessed my love to a boy with a letter and he tore it apart and return it to me. I don’t remember feeling bitter. Because at that time, it was all about me expressing my feeling. His response had less meaning. It’s about me.
So yes, I feel lighter by expressing my feeling. It doesn’t have to reciprocate in the same level. I do what I feel.
The expectations make me afraid of something that I can’t control, beyond my control. So why to control it in the first place. Maybe someone will ask, why pay attention or missing something that you can’t have or don’t care you back? I don’t have the exact answer. Sometimes you just like some qualities of a person without expecting something back from that person. Is it unconditional thing?
Your love confession should be about you. It’s about your honesty, your pride, your courage. Don’t burden yourself with so much expectation. You don’t have to be awkward with that person afterward. If that person feel awkward or out of his/her head, let his/her deal with that. Some people don’t know how to treat love confession in a healthy way. Maybe they never had love confession before or rarely accept one or receive it too often. Maybe love confession means so much to some people that it was hard to swallow, like it was a peace offer to an inner-war.
“Missing you.” I do miss something about you. Not all of them but I can’t dissect your personality. So, whatever, I just miss you and it feels good to miss someone presence. It’s okay if you don’t miss me. It’s okay to ignore me. Be yourself because I am just being myself.